Perth Mum Jane* considers herself pretty progressive, educated and open-minded, but it still came as a shock when – after several months of anxiety, school refusal and self-harm – her 11-year-old child came out as trans.
Jane cried for two months straight and has spent the two years since then effectively flying blind, trying to manage her own mental health and wellbeing while at the same time doing everything she can to understand the options and get Mark* the support he needs.
“Some of it was about the fact that I thought I would be better at this,” Jane said.
“Firstly I thought ‘How did I not know?’ I mean, I’m with this kid all the time but I didn’t pick this up in any way, shape or form so I thought I was stupid and a failure.
“A huge part of it was also being scared for his safety and how hard this was going to be for him – how was he going to make it in the uncaring society we live in?
“I also thought ‘I’m so tolerant and accepting of everything but this is gutting me and I don’t understand why’. It threw me for a six and I did a lot of grieving – I still haven’t quite got to the accepting place.”
Jane said there remained a huge void in information focused on helping parents navigate their child’s gender identity journey.
Beyond an SBS Insight episode which shared the experiences of trans young people and their families – information she found hugely helpful – the first resource she came across that was specifically targeted at parents was a pilot parenting group being run at the Gender Diversity Service at Perth Children’s Hospital, as part of the GENTLE study. GENTLE is a collaboration between The Kids and the Gender Diversity Service.
Like the Transforming Families project, the therapeutic group is being explored as an option in response to Trans Pathways findings that parents of trans and gender diverse young people desperately need more support.
The Kids research assistant Helen Morgan, who is undertaking a doctoral degree in clinical psychology and who co-facilitates the parenting group, said the pilot program aimed to find out more about what parents needed, and to give them peer support and good information.
“It’s about making sure they get the time and space they need but also providing them with evidence-based information and therapeutic approaches and practical resources for support,” Ms Morgan said.
“It’s four sessions, eight hours in total, and the feedback from parents – as we expected – has been ‘We want more’.”
Preliminary findings indicate overall improvements in aspects such as parental stress and acceptance of, and confidence in, supporting their child’s gender identity. The majority of parents strongly agreed the program satisfied their needs, would help other parents, and they would recommend it to other parents of gender diverse young people.
Jane said that even though many of the other parents had older children who were at different points in their gender identity journeys, she would happily take part in the group again.
“There was no one there who exactly matched our stage and circumstances so it wasn’t a perfect fit, but it was close,” she said.
“It was the first thing that had said ‘Parents, the adult section of this process, this is for you – come and tell us what’s missing and what we need to do’.
“At the end of the day I loved it – I loved the sharing and listening, getting the practical help, and knowing we were helping to find gaps in service for people like me. I need tangible assistance right now so I really want to see the program take off for my own sake – but even if it’s too late for me it’s good to know that other people won’t feel like they’re flapping in the wind.”
*Names changed to protect privacy