When a child is suffering, it’s any parent’s first instinct to try and remove the source of pain. What’s important to understand is that, for many children, the fear of losing their phone is worse than the lived experience of being picked-on, threatened, or harassed online.
Here’s some advice on what to do if your child is being bullied online.
1. Let them know they did the right thing by coming to you
Cyberbullying is insidious and hard to recognise because children often refer to it as “drama” and go to great lengths to conceal it from their parents. In fact, studies have shown that parents tend to be unaware that their children are being bullied online.
Therefore, if your child makes the decision to come to you directly, be sure to recognise this as a big step and commend them for it.
2. Validate their feelings
If your child is upset by an online interaction they’ve had, your first instinct might be to tell your child to ignore the rude or mean behaviour. However, ignoring an online bully is usually easier said than done. Cyberbullying behaviours can vary in their intensity; even seemingly minor comments can cause significant harm when they are made repeatedly. If your child is being bullied online, the best thing you can do is stop, listen, and validate their feelings, then work together on what to do next.
3. Do your best not to get mad
In the instance that your child is being bullied over an app or website that you didn’t give them permission to use (or one that you explicitly told them not to use), try to address the bullying they’re experiencing before getting mad about their behaviour.
4. Talk to someone at your child’s school
Conventional bullying and cyberbullying are closely linked, and children who bully offline tend to also bully online. If your child is being cyberbullied, you should talk to someone at their school about it. This ensures that the school is aware and can be sensitive to any behavioural changes (e.g. becoming socially recluse, struggling to concentrate, or appearing visibly upset), while also providing an opportunity for teachers to mediate peer relationships.
5. Continue to monitor the situation
Cyberbullying behaviours vary in intensity. They can range from excluding others from online groups or posting embarrassing photos of someone without their permission, through to ongoing harassment, or threats of physical violence.
It’s up to you to gauge the severity of the situation, and to continue to monitor it closely. Sometimes the ordeal will naturally resolve itself over time, and other times it will continue to escalate. In the instance that the abuse is ongoing, it’s important to utilise the ‘report abuse’ function on the relevant app or website, and then block the user. It’s also a good idea to collect evidence by taking screenshots of the abusive content.
Finally, you may want to report cyberbullying to the police and the Office of the eSafety Commissioner.